For those of you who are totally uninformed on how to deal
with directions and other information in our City,
we wanted to furnish you a NEW OUTLINE!!

Atlanta, Georgia (pronunciation: A lan uh, JORjah)

Atlanta is composed mostly of one way streets.
The only way to get out of downtown Atlanta
is to turn around and start over when you reach
Greenville, South Carolina.

All directions start with, "Go down Peachtree..." and include the phrase,
"When you see the Waffle House...".
The only exception is Cobb County where all directions begin with,
"Go to the Big Chicken...".

Peachtree street has no beginning and no end
and is not to be confused with
Peachtree Circle, Peachtree Place, Peachtree Lane,
Peachtree Road, Peachtree Parkway, Peachtree Run,
Peachtree Trace, Peachtree Avenue, Peachtree Commons,
Peachtree Battle, Peachtree Corners, Old Peachtree,
or Peachtree Industrial Boulevard.

Atlantans do not believe in turn signals.
You will never see a native signal at a stoplight,
to change lanes, or to merge. Never!

Atlanta is home of Coca-Cola.
That's all we drink here, so don't ask for
any other soft drink.. .unless it's made by Coca Cola.
And even then, it's still "Coke".

Atlantans only know their way to work and their way home.
If you ask anyone for directions they will always send you down Peachtree.

Gate One at the Airport is 32 miles away from the Main Concourse
so wear sneakers and pack a lunch.
The doors on the trains in the Airport do not reopen
like an elevator if you stick your hand out. And they hurt.

It's impossible to go around a block and wind up
on the street you started on. The Chamber of Commerce
calls it a "scenic drive" and has posted signs
to that effect so that out-of-towners don't feel lost...
they're just on a "scenic drive".

The 8am rush hour is from 6:30 to 10:30am.
The 5pm rush hour is from 3:30 to 7:30pm.
Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning
and lasts through 2:00am Saturday.

Do not plan to visit Atlanta during Freaknik.
Even if you make it off the freeway into the city
you won't be able to go anywhere and may not make it out alive.

Reversible lanes are not understood by anybody...
especially those of us who live here.
Stay out of them unless you are looking for a head-on collision.

"Sir" and "Madam" are used by the person speaking to you if there's a
remote possibility that you're at least 30 minutes older than they are.

"Sugar" is a more common form of address than "Miss".
So is "Sweetpea".
"Honey" is always used by Waffle House waitresses.

Ponce de leon Avenue can only be pronounced by a native,
so do not attempt the Spanish pronunciation.
People will simply tilt their heads to the right and stare at you.
(The Atlanta pronunciation is "pahnss duh LEE-on.)

The falling of one rain drop causes all drivers to immediately
forget all traffic rules; so will daylight savings time,
a girl applying eye shadow in the next car,
or a flat tire three lanes over.

If a single snowflake falls the city is paralyzed for three days and it's on
all the channels as a news flash every 15 minutes for a month.
All the grocery stores will be sold out
of milk, bread, bottled water, toilet paper, and beer
if there is a remote chance of snow,
and if it does snow, people will be on the corner selling
"I survived the blizzard" T'shirts.

If you're standing on a corner and a MARTA Bus stops,
you're expected to get on and go somewhere.

It is always Smog Alert Day.

Construction on Peachtree Street is a way of life,
and a permanent form of entertainment,
especially when a water line is tapped and
Atlanta's version of Old Faithful erupts.

Construction crews aren't doing their job properly unless
they close down all lanes except one during rush hour.

Atlanta's traffic is the friendliest around.
The commuters spend hours mingling with each other twice a day.
In fact, Atlanta's traffic is rated number one in the country.
You will often see people parked beside the road
and engaged in lively discussion.

Atlantans are very proud of our racetrace, know as Road Atlanta.
It winds through the city on the Interstates, hence the name.

Actually, I-285, the loop that encircles Atlanta
and has a posted speed limit of 55 mph
(but you have to maintain 90 mph just to keep from getting run over)
is known to truckers as "The Watermelon 500".

Georgia 400 is the southern equivalent of the Autobahn.
You will rarely see a semi-truck on GA400,
because even the truck drivers are intimidated by
the oversized-SUV-wielding housewives racing home
after a grueling day at the salon or the tennis match
to meet their children at the school bus
coming home from the college prep preschool.

The pollen count is off the national scale for unhealthy
which starts at 120. Atlanta is usually in the 2,000 to 4,000 range.
All roads, vehicles, houses, etc., are yellow from March 28th to July 15th.

If you have any allergies, you will die.

The last thing you want to do is give another driver the finger,
unless your car is armored, your trigger finger is itchy
and your AK-47 has a full clip.

Enjoy your visit!