Ever had one of those days where you wish the

Earth would open up and swallow you whole?

Golf Balls...

I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls."

- Colleen Collins, 31, Ferndale, MI

Dumb-Struck......

I was standing at the checkout with my two-year-old son, and there was a heavyset gal in line a head of us. As the cashier scanned the lady's items, the bar-code reader gave off a continuous beeping sound. All of a sudden, my son said loudly, "Mommy, watch out! She's going to back up!" That was the only time in my life I wanted to crawl into a hole.

- Heather Barlow, 21, Hortonville, WI

Nuts About You......

My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically, the boy grinned, and I turned beet red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let me forget.

- Faye Emerick, 34, Ellerslie, MD

Strip Mall......

My husband and I took our three kids out shoe shopping one day. We were going from store to store, and the kids were getting restless. At one crowded store, I was standing near a bench when my 3-year-old climbed up on it,grabbed hold of my elastic-waist shorts, and jumped off-pulling both my shorts and my underwear to the floor. I raced out of there.

Curl up and die.....

I once walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow- and asked loudly,

"How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?"

- Melinda Lowe, 39, Seguin, TX

Pad, please!.....

An insurance man visited me at home to talk about our mortgage insurance. He was throwing a lot of facts and figures at me, and I wanted to follow as best I could, so I told my 6-year-old son to run and get me a pad. He came back and handed me a Kotex right in front of our guest.